pre-beginning

Man, I love a break-up.

Or at least, I used to.

Not to say I like or enjoy hurting someone or being hurt, but I love the feeling of new beginnings--and more, the freedom to choose a new beginning. A pre-beginning, if you will. The sense of freedom and possibility and even adventure, because up until now life has looked one way, and now that version is gone and who knows what might take its place?

That's the feeling I kept remembering when we decided to move to Portland, OR, from San Diego. And the following month when I flew out of San Diego, and it was leaving home for the last time. And again a week later as I left to Portland from my parents' city, heading home for the first time.

I gave up break-ups in 2009, when I decided to get married. It's totally worth the trade, but I'd be lying if I said I don't occasionally miss the exhilaration of changing my life in a way I can't quite predict. Feeling almost dangerously free. 

Moving to a new city and state just because we feel like it is about as close as it gets these days. I've wanted to write about it since the day we set our move date, but surprise: the feeling of possibility and freedom does not include more actual free time. Especially when you're moving with a toddler and working full-time. But now that we're settled, I'm writing it down before I forget it.